Movin' to Montana..euhh! euhh! (Sung to Will smith's song welcome to Miami)

It's officially March, we are officially moving and I am officially giving up on all things technical. I am not sure the last time I blogged but its been a long time. I can't believe how an additon of one little lovey to the group can change your dynamics and schedule. There is simply not enough time, so something has to give. Her feedings are much shorter now, so I rarely get on FB, except when I am procrastinating something, which of course I am trying not to do because there isn't enough time.

I had been praying about that procrastination problem for a while, so guess how the Lord is helping me? I am selling my house and having to keep it clean...WOW! I hope some of these habits stick. Though I do love how clean the house is, it really is a pain. When your four year old says, "I want to have a dirty house," you know I speak the truth of how stressing it is for everyone. Steven is a builder, and loves to leave his projects out that he is building, so constructing and demolition should not happen on the same day for that sweet soul, its tough on everyone. Andrew is a perpetual mess bomb, from getting dressed(you should see the bedroom when he is finished, I wonder why the shirt he always chooses is the one that's on the bottom.), breakfast time (in his hair, the floor, the chair, the table and hopefully the majority makes it to his mouth, though you wouldn't guess that by looking at the aftermath), then play time (storage bins of toys...'nuff said). Andrew's loudest complaint is, "I can't do this all by myself," which really means, I need help, this mess I have made frightens me! Which this is whqat i scream inside, so I can relate!

Our six month old, Monique or Momo as she is called, is a true delight. She had a rough week of a cold but she pulled through and is back to her, stoic, even tempered self. She is a wonderful baby and we are blessed by her presence. Steven and Andrew are little gems too and have to be the best big brothers around. I love what God does, I love how he challenges my family and brings us through better on the other side. That is what Jesus does.

For now, Justin is working for a company in Montana from Texas, who thought that was a real life scenerio? Our home is on the market (http://www.220bottlebrushdrive.com/) and we wait on the Lord to prepare the way. Our hearts are being readied for this new assignment, as we seek him more peace enters and some of the fear moves out. The most important thing we are trying to do is not to stop living and get lost in the 'wait'. The wait can throw you into idleness and then disaster. It's important to still 'live' here, and so we press on, which some days it's difficult.

We will miss so many things about Texas. I was told before moving here it was a love it or hate it state, s I guess we are on the love it side. It's funny to me that the place I wanted to be the least, is now the place I will miss the most. I pray that our hope and strength in the Lord will rise as we wait upon the Lord to prepare the way.

Looking up or looking down?

I find when my eyes are directed up towards heaven bound all is clear. When I am looking down and all around I feel dazed and confused and slightly worse is when you are only looking at yourself. That is a hard pill to swallow when you realize your eyes are only on yourself, depression can do that when you take your armour off. What a fight the last month of pregnancy was for me. Shuting every door to everyone, even God and then asking God to speak as if I were listening. So selfish, so not where I wanted to be. More refreshing was to know my husband was holding on tight to Jesus and calling to him, interceding on my behalf. That is beautiful now that I am feeling better. I am thankful for Justin, so thankful to have him to walk this life through.

I had someone speak something very ugly, very horrible to me. I had a choice to follow my flesh or follow Jesus. Speaking about turning the other cheek and turning the other cheek are two different things. If you thought you turned your cheek and then told everyone you know about how bad you were wronged, I believe you didnt turn the other cheek. I had committed at that moment to do as Jesus commands us to do and don't think even for a minute it was easy. At every encounter that day and the next few, I wanted to get a poor me tap but instead I prayed and asked for strength.

After some prayer and washing in god's word, I realized something, the words that were so wounding, were not far from the truth and I needed to see that and hear it. I need to make a change, pick up and get on with life, I am ineffective if I stay in this mess of depression and this season passed time for a change. Please be in prayer for me as I await the king's orders. Love you.

2 months have flown by!

Monique is 2 months old, can you believe it? We can't. We are so thankful for the help we have had. Justin's mom, Jean was just here for 4 weeks. So I am attempting to fly solo now, for the first time. I don't have time to write, I just wanted to post some pictures. Hope you all are doing well. We love you and are looking forward to your Christmas cards and letters and pictures!! I may even send one:) No promises though. Lots of love, Nicole

Happy Birthday Daddy!

Well truth be told, we would have been happy girl or boy. Justin kept saying how nice it would be to have a girl and look at what special gift God gave him on his birthday!!

Introducting Monique Elizabeth Konotopka 8lbs 14 oz and 22 inches long!

Look Daddy and Monique have the same hairline.

I had lots of amniotic fluid so she was able to swim lots, start labor then stop it then not come after hours dilated to an 8! She did come though and we are so glad she did, feeling so good to have her here and praising God for our healthy addition!

We are going to be out of the loop for two weeks to spend sometime just us, building immune systems, resting and adjusting. We are glad to share our news with everyone and look forward to introducing you soon!!

It's a wonderful life....

I have no camera..but a new one is on the way. Here are the guys in their summer haircuts. I felt the same way I did when I came home from the Coast Guard Academy and Justin had died his hair white and had the goat tee. I so wish I had a picture to post. You can also see the snazzy new curtains in the background. We finally saved enough to buy some curtains, what I learned was I should have saved longer for the rods. They are ridiculously expensive.

Steven and his amazing pee stories, I am not adding or exaggerating in any way. These are all true accounts of our 4 year old.

2:00 am House is sound asleep. "Hi guys!" Steven bops into our room, sounds as if he's been up for hours. "Son, what are you doing?" I ask. "I just have to potty." We hear the sound of liquid being poured onto the carpet, I sit up in bed and can see from the hallway light, Steven is peeing in our doorway. Then Steven says, "Goodnite, I can't find the flusher." I follow him to his room and he gets in bed and is out cold. Justin and I laugh ourselves sick as we are toweling up pee. Carpet needed cleaning anyway!

The boys were watching a instant play on Netflix on the computer(my babysitter when I am trying to get all I have procrastinated done), I come in and his pants are around his ankles and he is sitting in the chair watching the video. "Son, why are your shorts down?" "Nothing," he says and then Andrew chimes in, "I do, Steven peed in the trash can." After the conversation of we don't pee in trash cans, I learned he didn't want to miss his video. Hmmm maybe it's time to teach them about the pause button.

Steven is in the bathroom in the morning. This thunderous giggle is errupting from the bathroom, I say, "what's the matter?" He says, "My butt just burped and I peed on the wall. I am so sorry the pee went everywhere." Never in my life have I cleaned bathrooms so much. Now that both boys are standing they get wiped up at least daily, most days more often. The good is that I never worry(to much) if the bathroom is too gross if someone stops by.

I am sorting baby clothes and notice Andrew trying to carry the kiddie potty out of the bathroom. I ask, "Son, why do you have the potty." He replies, "steven needs to go potty and I am taking it to him." "You can tell Steven mommy says, to go potty in the bathroom." Okay he definatley needs to know about the pause button.

And now for Andrew, he is pretty excited to be a big brother like Steven and not be the baby anymore.

Andrew has been waking up and every morning he sits on my lap to tell me his dream(which is a made up story of some kind, maybe a dream, probably not). He whispers, "I had a nightmare" and begins with the story. They usually have a ghost in them and then some how at the end they end up all rosie and eating ice cream. Good morning entertainment.

Andrew came and ask me to pray for him because his soldiers(shoulders) were hurting. His father had been working shoulders just the day before and complaining about soreness...I hope it isn't something that you can catch:)

We are at the grocery store and using the restroom. They have the foam soap and Andrew is barely tall enough to reach it by himself and of course he is BIG now and wants to do it himself. He pushes the button and it squirts him in the face, giving him the perfect mustache. The three of us are laughing so hard, we can barely contain ourselves. So I try to help thinking, I have his hand in the right spot and bam! it happens again, though not as strategically placed as the first time, but still just as funny. What a great day at the store, laughing can make the day so much more memorable!

Andrew nearly always refers to the new baby as a girl. It's always she and her when he talking about the baby. He had big plans for what she will be learning when she arrives. He really thinks changing diapers is going to be something great, I sure hope he's good at it, that would be awesome..LOL

Andrew keeps saying he thinks he needs to go to the doctor. "Why do you think you need to go to the doctor son?" I ask. "My eyes keep doing this," as he crosses his eyes and looks very crazy( I so need to insert a picture here) We are getting a new camera then I promise to be better about posting photos!

Kids are great, all kids. I have always thought so. I never thought I would be a mother, always thought I would be that cool Aunt without kids that everyone loves to visit. You spoil the kids rotten and leave. I am so glad God had a different plan for me. God blesses us with children, and without them I can see some of the largest blessings I would have missed. The joy they bring as they make us laugh, the love we feel at unpromted hugs and kisses, the way they make us want to strive to be better because they are always watching and learning, but the coolest thing for me is how I can relate to God better because of this role he has placed me in called parenting. The way He loves me, the way the Word speaks to me and provides insight that I could have never known without being a parent.

Tonight we were talking about some scripture in Matthew and in Psalms and it all makes complete sense to me as I think about it from a parenting perspective. Thank you Father for that gift! I want God to show me how to raise my boys His way, through His word so that they may live upright, righteous lives and bring HIM glory.

Wedgies..a little discomfort in this charmed life

So I have wedgie, it's uncomfortable. Uncomfortable to write about, think about and share with you. It all began in May. The feelings that came were un expected. The overwhelming sadness and waves of dispair, tough to fight daily. My husband poured prayer and encouragement, as well as some close friends and I cried out for the Lord to take it away but instead He walked with me through it. For what purpose am I struggling this way? Where was I going before this happend because I feel like I have been in a holding pattern for months?

I find myself asking this question a lot lately. Where am I going? Sometimes you feel like you are heading in the right direction and all of the sudden you are wondering, where am I? Ever feel like that? I have spent 10 days now waiting for a baby, I was convinced it would be here by August 20th, or at least 5 days before(both boys came 5 days before their due dates), but as I type on Aug 20, still no baby. I am so thankful my mom has been here for the past few weeks. I couldn't go on much longer in my previous state. I have had time to reflect, love on the boys(Justin too) and just have my mom love on me.

I have been in a hold pattern. First with the depression I experienced this pregnancy, I have never had the extreme sadness I felt during this last trimester before. Thank you to my precious husband who encouraged me everyday, prayed over me, and never once said get over this, even when I just wanted him too. Thank you for my friends who prayed over me, Christine who taped scriptures to all my windows to encourage me, my neighbor Rose for always checking in on us and helping me to tidy the house. It is so humbling, so hard for me and try as I may I am counting on Grace to get me through this.

God has reminded me once again, things run on His time, baby will come when it's ready. Satan likes to take oppurtunities when things aren't running on our time to plant seeds of doubt and worry, so we must work harder to trust Jesus. Well meaning family and friends push science and medical advice on you, thinking they are helping all while hitting you upside the head with Satan. You have to work harder to trust Jesus. Not always the easiest, though you want it to be. He whispers lies of judgement in your ear and so you have to recognize those for what they are, LIES and recommit to Jesus.

I want this wedgie out! It's uncomfortable and might leave a stain but hopefully that stain will remind me of yet another time the Lord has brought me through some tough stuff.

To forgive or not to forgive that is the question..

I have spent months thinking about forgiveness and God has given me such a sweet understanding, I wanted to write it down and share, I am sure I can't do it justice with words, as I am much better with numbers:)

Forgiveness comes hard for some people in your life and easy for others, I have been praying about that now for about 9 months. I think the big factor there is relationship and communication, when you know where someone is, the struggles, hardships, where they came from, the more of a relationship you have the easier it is to forgive, at least for me. Don't you think that is why Jesus can still love us even though we do some really awful things? He knows everything about us, he understands where we came from, why we chose to make the choice we did and He sees where we are going. All that being said, I also find it mind blowing that he loves us, especially knowing that you are going to make a lot of mistakes and bad choices....newsflash it's written in the Bible that all will fall short of the glory of God but thank God for Jesus. Christ is your mediator, the one who paid the price for you, the one that wants you to pursue him back, the one that keeps putting that loving person in your path that you think is wacko because they love Jesus so much. I used to know some of those wackos too, and now I have become one:)

Forgiveness can lead you to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you. I hope if you are having difficulties forgiving someone, you will quickly use the biblical conflict resolution model(Matt 18: 15-17) and allow Jesus to work through you. Even small things are best dealt with right away before they can take root and bind you in bitterness, pain and even hatred. It's okay to let someone know they hurt you. Sometimes when I get stuck I think about times I have been forgiven and how I was treated and my heart softens to think that I was forgiven. Sometimes things you are forgiving are TOUGH, and you will have to recommit daily, even hourly but forgiveness is for you not them. Forgiveness won't change the other person but it will change your life, bringing you more happiness, peace and healing from the bondage that comes with holding a grudge.

If I have learned anything at all, not forgiving is more work than forgiving. How many times should we forgive someone who won't change? The bible is VERY clear..check out the parable of the unforgiving servant in Matt 18: 21-35. I hope if you have someone to forgive you will pray and find away to forgive them, forgiveness looks best on everyone. Loves to all!